We are on the home stretch of Happier. Part 3 is the final section. 9 and 10 are both short chapters, so I'm including them together in this post. Page 127 reinforces the circle of happiness referred to in the previous chapter. "When we're happy, then, we are more likely to see beyond our narrow, inward-looking, and self-centered perspective and focus on others' needs and wants." In other words, happy people enjoy helping others. It actually makes them happier. There are plenty of opportunities in Service Corps to help others, whether it is among each other in class or the service projects we pursue. Let's try it!
In chapter 10 Ben-Shahar reminds us that we probably can't enjoy everything we do all of the time. That's why it is so import to reserve part of our schedules for things we genuinely enjoy. These can be reading for pleasure, exercising, helping others, or whatever. I think the import thing to remember is to stay positive, reflect, and meditate on where we are. Ben-Shahar calls these "happiness boosters." He says, "If we are in the habit of living as rat racers--having been conditioned to do so from an early age--it is extremely difficult to disembark from the treadmill."
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In chapter 9, page 126 at the bottom of the second paragraph it says, "According to Kant, if a person helps another because he feels inclined to - because it makes him happy- what he does has no moral value." I did not understand that line at all. Is Kant saying if you help somebody because you feel obliged to your actions have no moral value, or if you help somebody because it makes you feel good your actions have no moral value? I don't think I'm reading that correctly. Oh, never mind. Goodness sometimes the way the text is printed confuses me. I think I've got it, but I'd still love for ya'll to explain what you think he was saying. That way I can check to make sure I'm understanding it correctly.
I agree with Ben-Shahar that "helping oneself and helping others are inextricably intertwined: the more we help others, the happier we become, and the happier we become, the more inclined we are to help others." Sometimes when I'm helping somebody else I'll feel reluctant (I guess you could refer to it as when I sacrifice my own happiness so they benefit) but after I see their reaction I end up feeling happier myself; either way -if you do choose to help another person- you both end up with a higher "ultimate currency." I know that it talks about the "world view" on "the morality of duty" on page 126 and how it's not the greatest perspective since when we feel good we're more open to helping others feel good, but I still feel like a selfish person for loving to help others because I benefit from it just as much as they do. Do you think that since the majority of religions have this "self sacrifice as the foundation of morality" deal going on we're all conditioned to feel weird about looking at our needs first when it comes to helping others from, basically, the time we're born?
On page 127 in the middle of the first paragraph Ben-Shahar says, "Of course it is important to keep in mind the distinction between helping others and living for others' happiness." That line made me think back to when the book discussed the difference between relief and happiness. I think focusing on ourselves (internally) and learning more about ourselves as a whole would make it much easier to be able to recognize when we feel the gratitude of relief, authentic joy, when we're helping others and when we are indeed living for others' happiness... which, of course, would help our wealth in the ultimate currency.
*The first page of chapter 10 (pg. 129) at the very beginning of the first paragraph - "In a perfect world, we would be able to engage in meaningful and pleasurable activities all day, everyday. In our world, for most people, that is not possible." I really like it when Ben-Shahar compares our world to "a perfect world." To me that is comparing fantasy to reality... to some that might sound like comparing complete opposites (that would be understandable though since they are opposites) but let me further explain what I mean: In my opinion we either try to live in a fantasy world or in reality... that's why so many people get fed up or "unhappy" at times... they're trying to live in the fantasy world of perfection (which, to me, DOES NOT exist) When Ben-Shahar compares the "perfect world" to "our world" he's comparing the different perspectives, or mind sets, in which we live. He's saying, "Hey... If we did live in your fantasy land, then yes, everything would be peachy; hakuna matata... but we don't. We live in the real world where perfection is merely a fragment of your imagination so why don't you try living your life by 'real world' standards." I hope that made sense. If you're completely lost about the fantasy/reality deal just ask me in class and I'll try my best to iron out the wrinkles.
*Ch. 10, page 130, all of the 3rd paragraph... I liked all of the optimism this paragraph has. It reminded me a lot about our drama production. The words persevering, hopeful, and strength from our "Survival Man" came to mind when I read it.
*Ch. 10, page 132, first paragraph Ben-Shahar quoted the seventeenth-century British poet John Dryden, "we first make our habits and then our habits make us." I'm almost 100% positive that everybody in our class has, or has had, a habit (it doesn't have to be a bad one) that has taken over their lives at on point or another. I find it peculiar that a lot of times we'll pick up habits because we think they'll make us happy, or at least help us, and those habits, quite frequently, become full-blown addictions which adds to our discontent.
On pg. 133 i got a quote that i can kinda understand what it means, i think it means that if you devote yourself to and agreement is easier then if someone else give it to you, or more restfull and better..
On page 126 in the second paragraph Ben-Shahar writes, "Immanuel Kant, the influential eighteenth-century German philosopher, tells us that for an act to have moral worth, it must be undertaken out of a sense of duty. When we act out of self-interest, then, we preclude the possibility of our action being a moral one. According to Kant, if a person helps another because he feels inclined to do so - because it makes him happy - what he does has no moral value."
I was really confused by this. I can't understand how doing something because it's your duty to do so has moral worth, but doing something because you feel inclined to do so has no moral value. It is as if Kant is trying to say that if something makes you happy, it has no moral value. I don't like that idea. I think that if you help somebody else because you feel that you should, that it's the right thing to do, then it has more moral worth and value than doing something because you have to, because it's your duty.
I really like how in the fourth paragraph on page 126 Ben-Shahar explains that, "Helping oneself and helping others are inextricably intertwined: the more we help others, the happier we become, and the happier we become, the more inclined we are to help others." So, in a way that clears up the quote by Immanuel Kant for me becuase it suggests to me that you can help others, be happy about it, and the thing you did still has moral worth and value.
In chapter 10, page 129 in the first paragraph Ben-Shahar writes, "In a perfect world, we would be able to engage in meaningful and pleasurable activities all day, every day. In our world, for most people, that is not possible. A single parent does not always have the luxury of leaving a well-paying job she dislikes for more gratifying work that pays less. Getting food on her children's table and providing them with shelter and a decent education are her top priorities."
I think that though this is true in most ways, what it says about the luxuries is untrue because the single parent, in my opinion, is more humbled by opportunities given to her and her family despite the fact that they may not be as well-off as others. I think that the single mother's experiences with her children and at her workplace are more gratifying than those of the more well-off families. The reason I think that is simply because her children's lives are her top priority. She cares more about them than she does herself; and when she is selfless, and starts to see things from another perspective, she is more humbled, and she can obtain happiness in a different way. Also she is more aware and appreciative of the small and simple things in life. Now, just because I think that, doesn't mean I think that the more well-off figure doesn't have gratifying experiences. But I think that maybe sometimes she who is more well-off seems to take things for granted and she doesn't fully appreciate the things that she has.
On page 130, in the third paragraph, Ben-Shahar writes, "Meaningful and pleasurable activities can function like a candle in a dark room - and it just takes a small flame or two to light up an entire physical space, one or two happy experiences during an otherwise uninspiring period can transform our general state. I call these brief but transforming experiences happiness boosters - activities, lasting anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours, that provide us with both meaning and pleasure, both future and present benefit."
I really liked the way that he used the example of the candle in a dark room. How one little light can "light up an entire physical space" and I think that these happiness boosters are a lot more common to everyone than just complete happiness. I related this to my past experience and how a lot of times in my own life when it seems I'm going through a rough time, even the smallest little things can make me feel so much better and I experience what Ben-Shahar calls "happiness boosters".
Dont ask yourself what the world needs,ask yourself what makes you come alive.And then go and do that.Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
I liked this quote that is in the very begining of chapter 9 quoted by Harold Whitman. If i understood the meaning of this quote, the quote says to not spent your time worryig about what the world needs and worry about yourself and what makes you come alive or what makes you happy. I also think that the quote is trying to say that making yourself come alive or do what makes you happy can help the world because I think that world needs more people like that.
On pg. 125 In ch. 9 Harold Whitman writes "Don't Ask yourself what the world needs, ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." I liked that quote beacuse It's so true.The world doesn't need you to ask yourself questions on what it needs. It needs you to go out and do those things. Thats what it's meaning by come alive. If more people didn't sit around wondering what they can do, and just did it. The world we be a better place.
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On pg.129 in ch. 10 Marcia Wieder writes "Fill your life with as many moments and experiences of joy and passion as you humanly can. Start with one experience and build on it."I liked that quote because it reminds me of another quote i once heard thats writen on my once good friends tomb stone. On it this is written "It's not how many breaths we take in a life time, But how many moments take our breath away." I think that we should all fill our lifes with as much fun and joy as possible. You only live once right ? Well that's what were told anyway. So you should live now while you can, and stop holding back. What are you waiting for ?
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I am not sure what Ben Shahar means at the beging of the 9th chaptor when he says he is not an "altruist" . When I looked it up online dictonary.com says it is "someone who makes charitable donations intended to increase human well-being" I don't really understand because in the next sentance of page 125 he goes on to say how he enjoys doing charity because it makes him happy. Could someone please eplain?
One quotation I really understood the meaning of I found on page 126 by Ralph Waldo Emmerson. He states, "It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerly try to help another without helping himself." - I have always believed this to be true. I have never understood how someone can truly do something for someone else with out feeling some kind of gradifacation for themself. When ever you ask someone why they did something for someone else they always respond, "Because it made me feel good inside" or something to that extent. I'm glad that both the author of this quote and Ben Shahar felt the same way I do about this consept.
On page 127 I read something that I can apply to my life. The book says, " Of course it is important to keep in mind the distinction between helping others and living for others' happiness." I have found in my own life that offten I find myslef only happy when I am making other people happy and doing things for others. As opposed to feeling happy all the time and helping others to get that little "happiness boost". That is something I am going to work on to try to make myself a happier person.
I like this apart off chapter 09, the last paragraph on page 128. It says Happiness is not about sacrifice, about a trade-off between present and future benefit, between meaning and pleasure, between helping ourselves and helping others. how helping people will make you more happy and improve your life.
On chapter 10; page 132, second sentence. It says seventeenth-century British poet John Dryden said that "we first make our habits and then our habits make us." Its like the first sentence from Introducing Change. Happiness boosters can also help in the different process of change
Sidnee I think the "altruist" deal you brought up is really interesting. I wish I could explain what Ben-Shahar was saying, but now I'm at a loss myself. We should talk with Willis and Cougar about it tomorrow. The way you related the quotation, "Of course it is important to keep in mind the distinction between helping others and living for others' happiness," to your own life was awesome. I think it's hard for many people to recognize and admit those sorts of behaviors. (I am, by no means, saying you're a bad person so I'm sorry if that sounded offensive.) You ended your post by saying, "That is something I am going to work on to try to make myself a happier person." Which I thought was pretty rad. I enjoyed reading your post; it was thought-provoking.
In chapter 9, page 126
Ralph Waldo Emerson explains "It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself." I agree with that one hundred percent. I don't think I have ever helped some one without in turn feeling better about myself. There is something about others asking for help that gives me a feeling of self worth.
The more involved I get in helping people, the more inclined I am to want to help people. It could be something small like holding the door open for someone, and having her say thank you. I get the feeling that when you help someone, they are more inclined to help others.
I want to get more involved in helping people across the nation or even across the world. That would give me a feeling of self worth and meaning.
Barbara Fredrickson suggests, "When we're happy, then, we are more likely to see beyond our narrow, inward-looking, and self-centered perspective and focus on others' needs and wants". I really like the way that is worded. I know that when I am frustrated or angry I tend to only care about myself. All of my motivation to help other's goes right out the door when I am upset. When I am in a state of bliss, or happiness, I am more willing to help other people without focusing on myself.
Chapter 10, page 130,
Ben-Shahar writes "Meaningful and pleasurable activities can function like a candle in a dark room-and just as it takes a small flame or two to light up an entire physical space, one or two happy experiences during an otherwise uninspiring period can transform our general state". I feel that is an extremely powerful quotation. I know that I have had several experiences where I have been in a "dark room", and it seems like happiness is forever away, then just like that I am filled with joy from something as small as a phone call from a brother.
Chapter 10, page 132
John Dryden said that "we first make our habits and then our habits make us". I agree with John, it's almost like we become slaves to the habits we develop. I started the bad habit of eating fast food almost everyday during school. For a while I would tell myself "no fast food for me today", but in the end I would pig out on hamburgers and French fries. Now I am trying to break the habit. It is getting a little easier for me to eat healthier, but I am still a slave to my habit, and slip into fast food frequently.
Great posts everyone. I can tell that additional care and effort has gone into your writing. Thank you.
Several of you have commented either on the topic of altruism or the quotation from Kant in chapter 9. I have heard several debates on altruism. As I understand it, altruistic behaviors include only those that benefit others, not one’s self. For example, a cash donation to the Boy Scouts of America is thoughtful, but hardly altruistic when the contribution is claimed as a deduction on one’s taxes. To be altruistic the benefit must be one sided. Even if I made an anonymous financial donation to my son’s school it still would not qualify as altruism because my son (and thus I) would be benefiting from the school improvements brought about by my donation. One could argue that true altruism is impossible, that all behavior, regardless of how charitable or selfless it might appear, is motivated by one’s own self-interest. As a Christian I have been taught not to let my right hand know when my left hand does good, but rather to do my alms in secret. In other words, I’m not to call attention to my good deeds. So let’s say that I am successful in performing a secret act of kindness for someone and I never tell a soul. Is this altruism? Well, not if I did it so I can feel good about myself, obedient to a commandment, or qualify for a reward in Heaven. I think Ben-Shahar is pooh-poohing Kant’s comments by trying to explain that whenever you do something for someone else, you too, benefit. Thus the conclusion I came to was simply that: 1) what is moral or not is irrelevant, 2) altruism is a pipe dream in that one always gets something in return when she is kind, and 3) there is a synergistic effect that can propel single acts of service and kindness into wide spread happiness.
In lieu of a quotation from chapter 10, I would like to share a personal happiness booster. For the past seven years I have been in graduate school. I have worked full time, served in various community and religious positions, and both attended and taught college courses three to four nights a week. Life has been busy, but I have always found time, although sometimes only 30 minutes a week, to ride my mountain bike or put some work in on building my mountain bike trails. I can’t even begin to explain how satisfying (meaningful and pleasurable) it is to go for a quick ride in the morning or evening on a hectic day. I’m very fortunate to be married to a woman who knows that if I can fit in a quick bike ride here an there, then I will be a much better husband and father. Some of her friends don’t understand why she lets me sneak off to ride so often. At the same time, they don’t think twice about their husbands plopping down on the couch for 30 minutes to watch the news before or after dinner. In my mind watching TV is nothing other than passive hedonism and is far less rewarding than my active pursuit of happiness (biking).
By the way, my legs are sore from our running today. I’m so proud of how everyone did. It was awesome.
-Cougar
Chapter 9 quote.
"It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself."
To me this is completely true. Can you honestly say that if you were to help someone it wouldn't be helping you as well? Every time I help someone it does help me. It makes me feel good knowing that I helped someone. Even though it would seem in some situations that I would gain no benefit from helping someone, it actually does. It benefits me because doing such a thing makes me happier.
Chapter 10 quote.
"We first make our habits and then our habits make us."
This actually applies to me. I have made it a habit to double check certain things. For example I would start out checking if the stove was turned off or if the front door was locked. At first this was just a habit that I was gradually developing, but now I can't help but check over and over again. This quote is true. You make habits and then before you know it, you can not control the habits that you have created.
On page 128 Ben says "Happiness is not about sacrifice, about a trade-off between present and future benefit, between meaning and pleasure, between helping ourselves and helping others. It is about synthesis, about creating a life in which all of the elements essential to happiness are in harmony."
People would often agree that taking an action such as sacrificing their own happiness for the happiness of others would be justified. However if you were to derive happiness from helping others, you would want to help people more often.
Helping others should be a positive experience. I can't tell you how good it feels to know that you have helped someone reach a goal, derive meaning from a positive activity, or even help them experience love-for-life. It is a feeling that, without question, justifies the means.
On page 130 of Chapter 10, Ben Shahar says, "Meaningful and pleasurable activities can function like a candle in a dark room-and just as it takes a small flame or two to light up an entire physical space, one or two happy experiences during an otherwise uninspiring period can transform our general state. I call these brief but transforming experiences happiness boosters-activities, lasting anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours, that provide us with both meaning and pleasure, both future and present benefit."
Though it is unfortunate that we have to work our passions into what little free time we have, people should make the absolute most of this time. This belief is only unreinforced when Ben says, "If instead of doing nothing when we come home from work we turn to our hobbies or other activities that challenge us, that we enjoy and that we care about, we are more likely to get a second wind and replenish our emotional bank."
Why do we work in the first place? Where is the money going? Though I am aware of and grateful for my parents generosity, I don't have to pay rent or utilities. If I am working, my money is going straight into my hobbies, which include: cooking, bicycle riding, repair, and maintenance, drumming, guitar playing, music release, and touring. In conclusion, I am saying that you should be working to support your hobbies.
Thanks Cougar for the explanation.
In chapter 9 Ralph Waldo explains,"it is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself." Helping one-self and helping others are inextricably intertwined: the more we help others, the happier we become, and the happier we become, the more inclined we are to help others. For me I love helping people in any way even if its just being there or a good listener,it makes me happy when I can make another person happy and makes me want to help others more and more. When we're happy, then, we are more likely to see beyond our narrow, inward-looking, and self-centered perspective and focus on others' needs and wants.
In chapter 10 it says, Fill your life with as many moments and experiencing of joy and passion as you humanly can. Start with one experience and build on it. -Marcia Wieder I loved the happiness booster exercise. If there is something that i am so excited for and can't wait to do, a couple of days or weeks before I am so excited and pumped. I look foward to the day and perform better because , I am happy and want the day to go by and and I have something to look forward to. For example its deer rifle hunting season this two weeks and i have been so pumped all week because i love getting up at 5 in the morning to go road hunting or hiking and when I see a deer i get so excited and my heart pumps like crazy before I even know if its a buck to get ready to shoot it. I just want to get that gun out and shoot it, its such a rush for me and its one of my favorite things to do. I like the happiness booster because I do believe it gives you motavational pull and a motovational push.
On pg. 127 in ch. 9 "Contributing to other people's happiness provides us with meaning and pleasure, which is why helping others is one of the essential components of a happy life." You want to make people happy so their is not any depressed people in the world. So their for people should be much happier if people contribute to their un happiness.
da mof king!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For Chpt. 9 on page 127 first paragraph it says " contributing to other people's happiness provids us with meanning and pleasure..." and i totally agree with this statement cause the other day this guy droped a pallete of nails on state street so me and a couple buddies pulled over and helped him for like a half hour and it was chill
For chpt 10 on page 132 bottom of second paragraph it states " by affording the opportunity for tral and error, with minimal risk happiness boosters can help us hone in on what we want to do most." and i agree with this cause i probable with go thought like 4 or five jobs befor i stick with one i really enjoy. as would almost anyone
Chapter 9. Research by Alice Isen and Jenifer George illustrates that we are more likely to help others when we feel good. I think that is is true because that is how i am but if i'm sad or mad i don;t help anyone or be nice to them.
Chapter 10. In a perfect world, you wouldn't have to work. You would get to do everything you wanted for as long as you want. But in this world, you have to work hard to achieve your goals, and get what you want.
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