A while back I realized that every time I earn a dollar, I take a dollar away from someone else. There is only so much money in this world. It could be argued that in order for us to live lavish lifestyes others must live in poverty. If I let myself think about this for very long, I can make myself feel guilty for the abundance of resources I waste regularly. Ben Shahar argues that we don't, however, have to feel guilty about being happy. Many people feel they don't deserve to be happy so they force themselves into misery. I myself have been guilty of this. It's easy to do, especially when I feel I've been wronged. If someone has offended me, don't I have every right to brood and be depressed? Or, if I've done something wrong, shouldn't I feel guilty and depressed as part of my penitence? I suppose the answer to both of those questions is yes to a degree. Shouldn't I open myself up to the possibility of joy, though, even in both of those cirmcumstances? Here's Ben Shahar's answer:
"Before we are able to receive a gift, from a friend or from nature, we have to be open to it; a bottle with its cap screwed on tightly cannot be filled with water no matter how much water we try to pour into it or hw often we try--the water simply runs down its sides, never filling it. Inherent worthiness is a state of openness--of being open to happiness."
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Fear- (n.) a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
***Synonyms- apprehension, consternation, dismay, terror, fright, panic, horror, trepidation, alarm, dread...
From my point of view, chapter 12 focuses mainly on fear; a human instinct which, I believe, can go into overdrive and significantly affect the way we live; or don't live. The first things that come to my mind when I hear the word fear are danger and harm, but when I take time to think about it, there are, what seems to be, a trillion fearful things that arise. This book (HAPPIER) in general, makes me brutally more aware of myself. I like how Ben-Shahar expresses fear people experience that isn't derived from harm or danger; its internal. On page 142 Ben-Shahar writes us (the reader) a section of the book A Return to Love by Marianne Williamsom where she says, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" Now I don't know about any of ya'll, but what Marianne wrote could be a page from my journal. For some reason I am an overly fearful person. I fear dying in an earthquake, tsunami, tornado, fire, and car crashes, running over a person, animal or hitting a bird, driving under or over bridges (driving in general), ants, hair in my food, being kidnapped, murdered, or tortured, being watched without knowing it, losing my family, drowning, and so much more; but, one of my greatest fears is myself. I'm afraid of what I am and what I could be; all my potential. I'm a stubborn person; I get that from my mom, and I know that if I really "commit" myself to something I will do it sooner or later. Knowing, if I allowed myself, what I could be is terrifying. Knowing I have some sort of power and value, in my eyes, is a major deal; as major as peanut-butter and jelly. I don't know why I am so afraid of what I'm capable of being; maybe it's because I've grown accustomed to my life of "quiet desperation" and stuck in a "learned helplessness" mind set; who really knows for sure? The fear topic continued on page 143, at the bottom of the third paragraph, Ben-Shahar writes, "We fear the worst and thus, deprive ourselves of the best." I've heard people say that some people who are afraid don't do anything; that way there is no risk. To avoid accomplishment out of fear is truly depriving yourself of the best. Perhaps you could even say that by living in fear, you're not actually living at all. From experiences in my life, I can completely relate to what Ben-Shahar has to say about fear. I know that I have to let go and take a chance; I'm just scared, but hey, there's always time for me to be courageous. And according to Ben-Sharhar, "...courage is not about not having fear, but about having fear and going ahead anyway." So maybe I'm no as far behind as I perceived myself to be.
*Pg. 144, second paragraph, "As Nathaniel Branden writes, 'In order to seek values, man must consider himself worthy of enjoying them. In order to fight for his happiness, he must consider himself worthy of happiness." I won't go into detail on why I like this quotation; it just touched home with me.
I like the quotation you used Willis. It's a great one.
Oops, I wasn't planning on posting for each of the final chapters because they were so short. Chapter 12 included a quote that Scott and I used in a class a couple of years ago. We took it from a movie called "Coach Carter" but I have also read where Nelson Mandela had said it as well. At any rate, Ben-Shahar gives the credit to Marianne Williamson on p. 142, "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us."
We all battle fear. Our marathon training has been an amazing experience for me as a teacher. How inspiring it has been to watch so many of you take fear head on as you push through the mental and physical challenge that is exercise. Similarly, how interesting it has been to see some absolutely overcome by this fear. While I am certainly no psychologist, I would venture to guess that some, like the quotation suggests, are more fearful of success than failure. Ironically, this is one of the main reasons that Scott and I decided to have the class train for a marathon. I believe that completing the marathon (or half-marathon) will do more to overcome fear and reveal that each of us is powerful beyond measure than any other activity we may pursue. I saw it in your faces on Saturday night after the race. Very cool. Very powerful. Say good bye to fear.
On pg. 141 the quote from Abraham Lincoln at the top of the page says:
"Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."
I really liked this quote because it reminds me of how my mind set really does effect my mood. When I'm mad, it's because I choose to be mad and it's really hard not to crack a smile when someone tries to talk to me and cheer me up. If I wake up in the morning and act like I'm really excited about the day, then eventually it becomes my mind set for the day because I act it out so much that I convince myself that I really am happy. If I think I'm pissed off about something that happened, then I will be but if I choose to ignore it, then I can still be in a good mood. I think that's how it works for a lot of people. It's really just your mind set that effects your mood.
Our capacity for the pursuit of happiness is a gift of nature. No person, no religion, no ideology, no government has the right to take it away from us.
I really like this one. Chapter 12; page 141, first paragraph.
It is in our individual power to be happy in order to live. No one but you can make you happy, you have the choice to be happy.
Chapter 12, page 141
Abraham Lincoln once said "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be". I really wish that it was that easy to be as happy as i want. If that is all it takes to be happy, maybe just making up your mind to be happy is the hard part. I think sometimes people let themselves be unhappy to remind themselves that they are alive. I believe this is more about tricking yourself. It would be like telling myself I am happy even if I am doing something i hate that doesn't bring me happiness.
The pursuit of happiness is a gift in our life. No person, no religon, no country, no government can take that away from us.
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