Chapter 15 and the Conclusion

This will be my last post for the Happier book. I hope all of you have enjoyed reading it as much as I have. This book has caused me to seriously reflect on who I am, and how I spend my time. I had never considered the idea that happiness really is the ultimate currency or that it can be considered currency at all. I'm convinced now, though, that Ben - Shahar is dead-on with this concept. Not only should I be trying to build my own wealth of happiness, I can do so by sharing it with others--the old pass it on idea. I love the quotation at the beginning of chapter 15 by Oliver Wendell Holmes. “The world has to learn that the actual pleasure derived from material things is of rather low quality on the whole and less even in quantity than it looks to those who have not tried it.” How many of us are guilty of accumulating stuff just for the sake of having it? How many of us have fallen for the trap of believing that a purchase or an acquisition will brighten our lives? I certainly have. Ben - Shahar writes on page 161, “The need to bring others down comes from a materialistic perception of a world in which resources are a zero-sum game and one's success implies another's failure, where one's gain is another's loss.” We do not gain ultimate currency from the destruction of others. Quite the opposite; we help ourselves by helping others.

In the conclusion Ben - Shahar emphasizes the core point of his argument. He says, "One of the common barriers to happiness is the false expectation that one thing--a book or a teacher, a princess or a Knight, an accomplishment, a prize, or a revelation--will bring us eternal bliss. While all these things can contribute to our well-being, at best they form a small part of the mosaic of a happy life." We all have the ability and the opportunity, especially in this country, to live in contentment. Unfortunately few of us take advantage of it. I had a friend from Spain stay at my house for a while several years ago. He could not get over how big our houses are, how cheap our utilities are, how stocked our grocery stores are, and, yet, how little we seemed to appreciate all of it. The fact of the matter is that materialism does not ensure happiness. Ben - Shahar states it best when he writes, "We are living a happy life when we derive pleasure and meaning while spending time with our loved ones, or learning something new, or engaging in a project at work. The more our days are filled with these experiences, the happier we become. This is all there is to it."

Chapter 14

Chapter 14 talks about time constraints and how sometimes packing too many activities into a limited amount of time is counter productive. I hope we aren't guilty of this in Service Corps. I am really exited about our Entrepreneurship ideas. It's going to take a lot of time to see all of these though, and we've got a lot of other stuff to get to as well. I think time management is going to be the key. We've got to make the most of the time we've got. So, if a student spends her allotted time on any given project socializing and off task, she is going to feel rushed when a deadline is at hand. We have got to be efficient with our time, yet; we want to ensure there is sufficient time to complete each of our projects. Here's my quotation:

"While some pain is necessary for growth--be it of a muscle or of character--the notion that we cannot grow and prosper while enjoying our lives is blatantly false. Research on flow, for example, illustrates that peak experience (enjoying ourselves) and peak performance (doing our best) go hand in hand."

Chapter 13

Chapter 13 is very short--only 3 pages, but I found one of my favorite quotations here. It is on page 149. "There is very little that any philosophy, or self-help book can teach us that is new about attaining the ultimate currency. The most a book or a teacher can do is to help raise our awareness, to help us become more fully in touch with what we already know. Ultimately, our progress, our growth, and our happiness come from our ability to look within ourselves and ask the important questions."

It is up to each of us to figure out how to enjoy life. School, mentors, books, role models, etc. can open possibilities, but we, ultimately, reject or accept them. There have been many times in my life when I have rejected a chance to try something new and exiting simply because I was either afraid or just didn't want to be bothered. There have been other times when I dove in headfirst and had the time of my life. The trick is to know when to jump and when to decline. That's where experience and education come in.

Chapter 12

A while back I realized that every time I earn a dollar, I take a dollar away from someone else. There is only so much money in this world. It could be argued that in order for us to live lavish lifestyes others must live in poverty. If I let myself think about this for very long, I can make myself feel guilty for the abundance of resources I waste regularly. Ben Shahar argues that we don't, however, have to feel guilty about being happy. Many people feel they don't deserve to be happy so they force themselves into misery. I myself have been guilty of this. It's easy to do, especially when I feel I've been wronged. If someone has offended me, don't I have every right to brood and be depressed? Or, if I've done something wrong, shouldn't I feel guilty and depressed as part of my penitence? I suppose the answer to both of those questions is yes to a degree. Shouldn't I open myself up to the possibility of joy, though, even in both of those cirmcumstances? Here's Ben Shahar's answer:

"Before we are able to receive a gift, from a friend or from nature, we have to be open to it; a bottle with its cap screwed on tightly cannot be filled with water no matter how much water we try to pour into it or hw often we try--the water simply runs down its sides, never filling it. Inherent worthiness is a state of openness--of being open to happiness."

Chapter 11

Many of you have heard me talk about a book I read a few years ago called Mean Genes. In Mean Genes the authors argue that much of our personality is predetermined by our genetic make up. They go on to say, though, that all human beings have the ability to improve on what nature has given them even though very few do. I know many people who are naturally good at things like athletics or music. However this doesn't mean those who aren't "naturals” can’t become accomplished at whatever they try. Ben Shahar writes, "While we have no control over our genetic predisposition and sometimes little influence over the circumstances in which we fine ourselves, we usually have considerably more control over the kind of activities and practices that we pursue." This has got to be true. Remember that old Thomas Edison quotation, "Genius is 1 percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration"? I don't believe that happiness has a ceiling. We can always find more joy in the world.

chapters 9 and 10

We are on the home stretch of Happier. Part 3 is the final section. 9 and 10 are both short chapters, so I'm including them together in this post. Page 127 reinforces the circle of happiness referred to in the previous chapter. "When we're happy, then, we are more likely to see beyond our narrow, inward-looking, and self-centered perspective and focus on others' needs and wants." In other words, happy people enjoy helping others. It actually makes them happier. There are plenty of opportunities in Service Corps to help others, whether it is among each other in class or the service projects we pursue. Let's try it!

In chapter 10 Ben-Shahar reminds us that we probably can't enjoy everything we do all of the time. That's why it is so import to reserve part of our schedules for things we genuinely enjoy. These can be reading for pleasure, exercising, helping others, or whatever. I think the import thing to remember is to stay positive, reflect, and meditate on where we are. Ben-Shahar calls these "happiness boosters." He says, "If we are in the habit of living as rat racers--having been conditioned to do so from an early age--it is extremely difficult to disembark from the treadmill."

Chapter 8 - Happiness in Relationships

Hello all! This is actually Cougar. Scott is having some internet problems at his house so I'm filling in a bit. I hope it is not too late for some of you to hop on and complete your homework tonight.

Anyways, I have to start by saying how much I enjoyed our 5K on Friday. I am very proud of how many of you did. We have come a long way from our early training sessions around the field (jogging 1 minute, walking 3 minutes). I am looking forward to the race next Saturday very much.

I imagine Scott and I will look at Ch. 8 from a different perspective than some of you. Provided we are both married, a discussion of happiness in relationships may be internalized to a different degree. However, I think that much of what Ben-Shahar is discussing can be helpful to those both in, and out, of a romantic relationship. For example, I believe his concept of "knowing and being known" is powerful even in non-romantic relationships. As I was reading this section I thought of our class. For me personally, this year is far more meaningful as a teacher because I am both getting to know you students better as well as sharing more of myself with you than I have done in the past. I do, however, feel that as the year progresses this mutual "knowing" will increase. This Thursday I will be doing a presentation for Red Ribbon Week. I have been thinking a lot about what I want to say. It has been interesting, I keep feeling that I need to share more about myself during this presentation. It makes me a little uncomfortable talking about my life and my experiences and I'm concerned that I will come off as self-righteous or arrogant. On the other hand, maybe it is necessary to share who I am and where I have been so that you, the students, can begin to do the same.

At any rate, this chapter has caused me to ponder at length about my marriage. Marriage truly is work - meaningful, necessary, heart-breaking work. I am excited to have my wife read the chapter, and the whole book for that matter. In the meantime I will work on loving her "core self" and "cultivating" our relationship.

Time to watch some sports highlights and hop in bed. See you all in the morning.-Cougar